I suppose there is a distinction between “intent” and “culpability”.

It’s like first-degree murder vs. manslaughter. Either way, somebody’s dead.

Mine was not a case of such. She didn’t want to hurt me per se — she was simply so intensely self centered that her own wants overrode any consideration of what I did or didn’t want. It wasn’t malice; it was callous indifference.

“People of your generation were raised to have some pretty rigid beliefs about what it means to be male and female.”

I am distinctly old-fashioned in certain regards. When American culture asked the immortal question “Why is it that when a woman sleeps around, she’s a slut, but when a man sleeps around, he’s a stud?” my first thought was “Yeah, they’re both sluts.” Unfortunately the popular culture went the other way. Again, getting back to Her, she was so caught up in that cultural perception of sexual permissiveness, that she literally thought there was something wrong if you *weren’t* having sex. We were dating, so “of course” we should be….

The cite:
http://www.davidsongifted.org/db/Articles_id_10102.aspx

Another thing I’d like to mention is that people of your generation were raised to have some pretty rigid beliefs about what it means to be male and female. Ideas about gender have changed significantly from what you were probably raised with. There are, of course, always going to be die-hards, but there are also many people, especially in younger generations who will be understanding. I think you will find much more understanding than you expect if you find yourself motivated enough to seek it out.

Punch “male rape” into Google and, once you get past the several million porn sites you will find some interesting stories relating to your citation, including, for example, burglars who rape the male homeowner (and physically get him off) so that he will be too shamed to report what happened. There are some incredibly awful people in the world.

Actually, the though that there were others out there like me was one of the big reasons for starting this blog. One more page for somebody to find.

I believe that any time anyone does something against your will it is WRONG.

I have read that even if the female accidentally enjoys a rape it is still considered rape if it she did not consent and the offender is still considered a criminal.

I imagine it is possible that a rapist could trigger physiological reactions that would help them along even if a person is not interested. It is even possible, and very likely, for a person who is very sensitive to have more than one feeling at the same time about a situation. It may be that there were parts of you that did not want to, and other parts of you that did. If you did not consent and she knew that, then it was rape.

Here is a citation for you:

“Some men may believe they were not raped or that they gave consent because they became sexually aroused, had an erection, or ejaculated during the sexual assault. These are normal, involuntary physiological reactions. It does not mean that the victim wanted to be raped or sexually assaulted, or that the survivor enjoyed the traumatic experience. Sexual arousal does not necessarily mean there was consent.” – The National Center for Victims of Crime

http://www.ncvc.org/ncvc/main.aspx?dbName=DocumentViewer&DocumentID=32361

I thought up so many possible answers to your other questions… I don’t know if they are correct. I am afraid to say much because I know that this is an extraordinarily delicate subject for you. I will wait to see whether you ask for the ideas I have.

Your words pierced me like an arrow. Someone, somewhere, will find this page through a google search (as I did) and maybe have their lives saved.

But… have you finally failed to save yourself? Or have you stopped writing because you finally found that you could save yourself?