Itself

Drove the night toward my home
The place that I was born, on the lakeside
As daylight broke, I saw the earth
The trees had burned down to the ground
Peter Gabriel
“Don’t Give Up”

I am afraid.

I am old.

I am losing.

I am dying.

I… don’t know.

I am very very tired.

What is left? I can’t make friends. My family is falling away. My marriage is a dead end that I am too afraid to exit. Friendships— the few that remain— are strained. And I can’t tell anyone WHY. I vent to the wide world, and am forced to push away the people who are drawn to my guttering flame. Danger. This site itself is dangerous. I am exposed. I am vulnerable and in a place where the smallest push could….

Every relationship I have feels like a danger to me. Nowhere to go but inward, where the pressure is already crushing.

This is not a good day.

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4 Responses to Itself

  1. She_The_Anomaly says:

    I am your friend.

    I feel the same way.

  2. She_The_Anomaly says:

    Sorry. If I had seen your post in “Moat” first I would have written something else.

    Anonymous “friends” is fine with me.

  3. Fred says:

    Understood and appreciated. Both comments.

  4. She_The_Anomaly says:

    :)

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